I Don’t Know What To Write

I realised it's been months since I published something and I decided to write and publish tonight.
Right now, I don't know what to write. In fact, I haven't thought of anything, but I'll continue anyway, hoping the words would come, and that this piece would make some sense, somehow.

The only reason I believe this would work is because I’ve practically lived like this at some point in my life, and I always pulled through, somehow.
Years ago, I’d run out of money, and I wouldn’t be able to call home because it was my fault I didn’t have money — either because I overspent, or because I did some dumb stuff with my money. Some of those times were so bad that I literally wouldn’t know where my next meal would come from, but like I said, I always got lucky! It was either a friend came through for me, or someone that owed me paid me back, or they decided to send me something extra from home. There just was always that one thing that saved me. And as soon as I got enough money again, the cycle repeated itself.
I didn’t know why though. Maybe it’s just human nature to always survive (until we finally die), or it was because I knew deep down that I could never really suffer — last last, I’d call home and confess my bad behaviour, as I was sure I’d be saved. It possibly was just easier for me to risk it when I knew there was always that last card I could play.
I think this is the same thing for rich kids with a start up/new business. When they invest or start a new business/start up, they don’t do it like the rest of us; they’re usually more daring. Perhaps because they know deep down that if the business fails, there is always something for them to fall back to, and that is one big thing people like us don’t enjoy. When (if) we’re putting all we have into a business, we’re doing everything we can to make it work, taking all the necessary care and precautions we know in the world, because we know that if it fails, we’re taking steps backward in life. And we really cannot afford that...

I didn’t know what I wanted to say in this piece, but now I’m some minutes into writing and another random thought just popped into my head. I don’t have a choice, I’ll share:
Starting, usually is the hardest part of the whole process, and often times the most important part of it too. Before you start, you’re able to conveniently give yourself excuses — like why am I writing this late in the night when there are (more) important things to be done, deadlines to be met, videos to watch, texts to read and reply to, and all of that? Conveniently, any of these excuses could have prevented me from writing this piece, but me just starting — even when I wasn’t so sure of what I wanted to say — now means that I have a piece to publish.
And that it what starting does — it brings you clarity, and psychologically pushes you in a way that when you start, you just want to continue, and finish. Well, not every time, but most of the time.
This was never meant to be a motivational writeup (it still isn’t), but I’m telling you right now to start! You were looking for a sign, and here it is!

I know I said this wasn’t a motivational piece but the last thing I’ll be sharing with you somewhat looks like it. Here you go:
I want you to always remember that even though you can be better than what you currently are, you are enough. Your feelings are valid and your sacrifices are going to be worth it. Don’t let self doubt prevent you from going for what you want. Don’t allow societal standards stop you from properly celebrating your wins; don’t be like those people who go online to say "celebrating my little win", when that little win is literally the biggest thing they’ve ever achieved, but as per social media standards, it’s little. Again, you can always be better, but you’re enough. I want you to never forget that.

I still don’t know what I’m writing. Or what I wrote. But I sincerely hope that I made sense to you — even if not throughout, at some point.