It’s Been a While, Kemi

It’s been a while, Kemi

There’s a reason the title of this article carries your name; I’m not trying to pretend that it isn’t you I’m writing about. I’m not going to do like I did with those poems I wrote years ago — how I changed some details to make them appear like fiction, or like they were about someone else. This one is about you, Kemi. I’m not going to lie; you sha won’t beat me.

You might never read this one though, because even though I’ll share this across my social media pages, you won’t see it, as we do not follow each other anymore. Tbh, I don’t know if you still use Twitter, or if you left with the ban. I don’t know if you’re active on Instagram, or the fake life on it irks you enough to keep you away. Facebook? I know you’ve always disliked that one. But let me guess — you use TikTok! I’m pretty sure you’d enjoy all the drama, effect and acting. But sorry, the link to this article isn’t going there… because how does one even use that app for stuff like this?

Anyway, I doubt you’ll ever find this. But in case any of your friends who still follows me comes across this and send it to you, then know that I wrote this for you, and I am not afraid to put your name this time around.

How are you, Kemi? I hope you’re fine, cos I’m fine too (what other answer do I have to “how are you” anyway?).

But why am I still thinking about you after these years, or still writing about you when I should be writing communication briefs, creating content for my clients or building my personal brand? To be honest, I don’t know. But I guess I’m writing to you because I’ve been struggling to write these days. I’m writing about you because you’re a material I can never exhaust. Because you’re still my greatest muse; even though I have ignored you for years. Because with you in my thoughts, there’s no such thing as a writers’ block. In short, I guess I’m using you — to get myself writing again because I need to. And using you to feel light again because my heart has been heavy these past days.

Kemi. It’s not like I am trying to poke my nose into your matter o, but I’m curious about a lot of things. Did you change or did you lie to me? You said you could never be with a man shorter than you, but your boyfriend is Messi’s height. What then are you, a 5ft 9in lady, doing with a man struggling to be 5ft 7in?

You claimed that you would never love anyone else like you loved me, but before I unfollowed you, I saw your videos everywhere on the internet. I saw you look at him like you looked at me. Did you lie, or this just proves that everyone is replaceable, and that as we grow, our specs change? It’s not like I’ll ever get a reply from you, but I’m curious.

Although I am not sure this is possible, but sometimes I feel we should sit and talk. I want to know how I rank now that you have been with someone else. Do you still think I’m the most awesome guy in the world? Does he handle your mood swings better than I did? Does he write you epistles on your anniversary and is he better than me? Or does he do other things, and do you prefer those to ones that I did?

Kemi, do you do the things I taught you, with him? I know these are none of my business, but it will be nice to sit and discuss these things with you.

I know you’re over me. I mean, I also sometimes don’t think about you at all… but do you get flashes of memories of us? Whenever your current boyfriend does some things wrong, do you subconsciously think of me and how I would have done it better? Do you see yourself comparing him and me, even when you do not want to do that? And do you hate yourself for it after you do? Would I ever know?

Let’s live a little fantasy, Kemi. If in the future, your son falls in love with my daughter, what would you do? Would you tell him stories of his lover’s dad? Would you wish that he acts like me, or unlike me? And if both of them ever want to get married, how do you think it would feel for us — being the couples’ parents? Would you dance with me on the dance floor? Would you mistakenly grind me? And during the dance, would you remember how we used to dance when we were young and in-love?

After many years pass, what kind of person would you see me as?

I should stop writing to you now. I think I’ve gotten my writing flow back, so let me get back to doing what puts food on my table. I need to focus on the right breakfast, abi?

I know I said you won’t see this. But I sometimes feel like you still check my writings — you’ve always been a fan, anyway.

But in case you’re seeing this, Kemi, I hope for a moment you forget the things that went wrong between us and smile. And I’m hoping your smile is still as beautiful as it used to be.

It’s been a while, Kemi.

I’ll write to you later. Or, never. But regardless of which it is, I hope you’re fine.