Losing People
Death scares me.
You will die. The people you love will die. The people who love me will die. And I will die too.
Some people claim not to be scared of death, but I’m not them; I am scared. Maybe those people are not scared because they’ve accepted it to be a part of life, as no one escapes it. But I am not at that level yet, and sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be.
Beyond all the unknowns, one main reason why I’m scared is that, in some way, death finds a way to break everyone’s heart. Even if it’s your prayer to live so long that death only takes you when you’re ready to go, that thing will still find ways to make you pay. The price we pay for living long is that we’ll have to watch our loved ones die. If we escape dying young, we won’t escape losing the people we love. Either way, we never truly win. Or do we?
I hate death because it is the end, and I so much hate goodbyes — especially the ones you don’t make properly. I hate that you can lose someone so important to you, and the world is not going to wait for you to get your life together. The world doesn’t rate anybody, and I guess this is why it’s intrinsic to humans to move on quickly — or at least appear to move on. That is why 1 week is enough for us to miss work after losing a loved one. “We understand that it must have been so hard to lose her, but we need you back at work.” Sigh!
That’s enough. Enough of talking about death. I didn’t even plan to talk about it this much.
Do you know what I hate more than death? Losing people when you’re both still alive. Oh, Lord!!
Why!? Why do I have to lose you? Why do we have to stop being friends after having gone so vulnerable with each other? Why do we have to break up after all the plans we made? Why should we give money to lawyers to share our assets and divide the custody of the kids between us; why so much energy on ending us, what happened to fixing us?
How do you even wake up after many years of being my favourite person and claim you’ve fallen out of love with me? Are you crazy? What happened to falling again? Why is it so easy for you to move on, did you not love me at all?
I can’t exhaust all the possible questions, so I’ll just go on.
You know why this kind of loss is worse than the death own? Because we all know that somehow, death will punish us. But people hope that at least till death comes, they won’t lose their people to life. They do not see their best friend ever betraying them. They know these things happen and people fall out of love, or friendship, or bestieship, or any ship at all. But nobody in a serious ship thinks theirs will be the next to sink… Well, until it starts to sink.
It’s crazy how these losses happen. But you can’t control what happens, you can only hope that the best does. Still, you’ll lose people. You’ll lose some because they’ll fall out of love with you and you’ll be so helpless. You’ll lose some because they’ll outgrow you and no matter how hard you try, you’ll never catch up. You’ll lose some because they’ll meet people better than you. You’ll lose some because they’ll relocate to a different timezone and you won’t be able to adjust to their new schedule. You’ll lose people for different reasons: good, bad, ugly, and pretty. It’s sad, I know. But it is what it is.
But since loss is inevitable, I will make sure it meets me with very few regrets. I know I can’t control what other people feel/do, but I at least can control what I do — to an extent anyway.
If God grants you a long life, be very grateful; because even if the price for it is that you’ll have to see (some of) your loved ones die, the prize is that you’ll see (many of) them succeed. Many good things will happen in your lifetime, so get ready. You’ll see your friend graduate medical school and become a badass doctor. You’ll see your mother finally enjoy the fruit of her labour. Your nephews will grow and become very important to society. Your sister will be so wealthy. Your best friend will attend your child’s naming ceremony with the love of their life. Your father will become a philanthropist. There will be so much good that will happen in your lifetime. You will eventually die, but you will die a happy person. Fair.
How about how you deal with losing people to life? Well, I’ll never be able to prevent this, but I’ll make sure every loss meets me with little regrets here too. That’s why I’ll ensure that before the time comes and I don’t matter to my friends anymore — to the extent that they don’t deem it necessary to text me on my birthday — I will love them.
Till that time comes, I will forgive them every time they piss me off. I will always send them my first drafts before publishing. I wouldn’t mind that my back hurts, I will carry our friendship. I will come through for them in an emergency. I will share memes with them just so they could smile. I will travel several miles and drive several hours to see them. I will send them love letters when I can. I will pause my movie to listen to them. I will speak to them for hours. I will love them, and I will do it to the best of my ability.
I’ve lost people and will most likely lose more. But I will prepare for the losses and cherish every single moment of their presence in my life. So help me God.
Originally published at https://kkawesome.substack.com on May 19, 2022.
